This is unfortunate, but there are dishonest, selfish, and untrustworthy people you will meet in your life who will get what they can from you, and then cut you out of their lives. If you know people who match these characteristics, run the other way! I base the following characteristics on my own experience of people I hope I never see again - and I'm not alone in feeling this way:
1) These people bring problems upon themselves creating an atmosphere of instability (e.g., problems with alcohol, drugs, money, keeping a job, family, friends, room mates, neighbors).
2) These people believe their problems are never their fault. They convince themselves it's either somebody else who is to blame, or it's circumstances, or both. But never them!
3) These people will ask others for help, and won't care who helps them as long as they get what they want. You may find they haven't had much contact with you until they have problems, and now they need you to help them (e.g., help them move).
4) These people are fundamentally dishonest, selfish, and untrustworthy. They will steal from you without a second thought about what they are doing, and lie to protect themselves. They will even get others to cover for them.
5) These people are not from your city originally. They moved to your city for better opportunities.
At this point you maybe asking what the scenario is for a situation like this? Well, the pattern may go something like this:
Phase 1: A Fresh Start
Let's name this person "Trevor". Trevor moves to the city in which you live, to give himself a fresh start in life. He finds a job; gets an apartment with a friend; makes friends at work and around his neighborhood; hangs out in the local scene and makes friends there. His new friends call him when they're going out at night; gets invited to house parties; and finds himself a girlfriend. All is going well.
Phase 2: Problems
Trevor, at heart, is a very dishonest, selfish, and untrustworthy person. He doesn't care about others at all. All he wants to do is party, party, party. He begins having problems coming in late to work and loses his good job, and finds he has to take a low paying job until something better comes along.
He's gotten use to having drugs offered, but when people aren't offering them as much as he would like them to be, he spends all his money on drugs and alcohol. Who cares if he can't pay the rent just yet - he wants his "party stuff". He and his roommate begin having fights about one of them having to carry the rent for both of them.
His girlfriend is mad at him because he's always getting messed up on drugs when they're together, and she won't support his drug use. She catches him stealing money from her purse after a few months of being together. They break up soon afterwards.
Trevor gets caught stealing at a house party, but the host lets him off because he knows Trevor has had a hard time of it lately. Trevor abuses his chance and steals from the same host at another house party a few months later. Trevor convinces a friend to cover for him, and the friend agrees.
Eventually, Trevor loses his low paying job, and can't seem to hold a job that suits him because he's unreliable to show up to work on time, and some days not at all. He's alienated just about all his friends now. His roommate leaves and gets his own place, so Trevor moves in with that friend who covered for him at the house party. Trevor steals from that friend as well, and is kicked out.
Now what, Trevor asks? No job. Broke. Nowhere to live. Hardly any friends left. Not welcomed in the scene where he liked to hang out.
Phase 3: Regroup
Trevor has no choice but to go back to where he came from. His father comes into town and picks him up. It's not a happy scene going home.
Trevor realizes that he needs to clean up his act or he won't be going anywhere in life. Once home in a small town many miles away from the big city, he notices there aren't the temptations of hard drugs to trip him up. Trevor looks at himself in the mirror, and decides to lose weight. He begins to go running, biking, and hiking.
He gets a basic office job, filing and doing the invoices. He comes to work on time and stays out of trouble. He's reconnected with some old friends in town, and tells them he met a bad crowd of people in the Big City. That's why he's back home. He leaves out the truth. He saves his money and watches his bank account grow. This continues for a year.
Phase 4: The Return to the Big City
As good as his situation is for him in his hometown, he gets restless for the Big City. He's able to find a job for himself there on the Internet. He's made friends with somebody online who wants to get a place in Toronto. They find an apartment not far away from where he used to live the first time he moved to the Big City, but not too close for anyone to know him.
They get the apartment; both have jobs; and Trevor begins making new friends at work and around the neighborhood. He goes back to the old hangouts and people recognize him. They ask him where he's been, and what he's been up to. He tells them he's turned over a new leaf and his life is much better. He does still dabble in drugs, but nothing like before. He knows he cannot repeat his previous mistakes.
Trevor begins hanging out again with the few friends he still had before he had to move back home. Eventually, they meet his roommate and begin talking about Trevor's past problems...... Trevor keeps his roommate away from his old friends, and keeps his new friends away from his old ones. He does not want his past catching up with his present.
Phase 5: A Fresh Start, Again
Trevor's fresh start back in the Big City has been well. He has a good roommate he shares an apartment with; a decent paying steady job; new friends; and a new local scene he spends most of his weekends. He’s kept his use of alcohol and drugs under control.
Trevor is worried about his old friends talking too much about his past problems around his new friends. Trevor decides it's time to get rid of those old friends he has. They will create problems for him like last time. He begins thinking about how they didn't help him in his time of need. He has to protect himself, he says.
He and his roommate - after some convincing on Trevor' part - move to the other end of his new neighborhood. Trevor changes his cell number; changes his e-mail address; stops going back to the old hangouts in the old neighborhood; and stops hanging around his old friends. They have no way to contact him now, and do not know of his whereabouts. It's been six months since Trevor moved back to the Big City, and now he feels he's made a Fresh Start.
The previous Five Phases run very close to the situation I’ve seen people get themselves into trouble. They bring it upon themselves and blame others. It’s only when they fall down completely that they realize they have to pick themselves up and start over. But they never admit to themselves that they are their own undoing.
I’ve seen these people get their lives in order – and then cut out every friend who ever helped them get back up on their feet. They give themselves a “fresh start” by moving to another part of the Big City; get a new job; make new friends; socialize in a new scene; change their cell numbers; change their e-mail addresses; and make themselves unreachable to anyone who knew them when they were having serious life problems.
These people do not want their past catching up with their present, so they wipe the slate clean. Make sure you are not on their slate to begin with…..
Best Regards,
Robert Scott
